The Boredom of Yoto Yokodera
by Mister Law Horror
Summary: Yoto Yokodera's life is typical, however, his mind has been warped. Now his kinda quirky life is turned into a technicolor joyride that Haruhi Suzumiya could only dream about. Mister Ugg presents: The first ever: Henneko: Crack Fic/Curtain fic combo!
1. Chapter 1: Late for school Late for life

_**The Boredom of Yoto Yokodera**_

_**By Mr Ugg**_

_Authors Note: This is a Fanfiction of the anime: Hentai Ouji Warawanai Neko, otherwise called 'Henneko'. I tried to make this story as simple as I could so those who haven't watched the anime or read the light novels before can understand the story. However, this did mean I had to take out any plot regarding those affected by a cat god that grants wishes but never mind about that, that's material from the primary source._

**Chapter 1: Late for school. Late for life!**

**1912**

The twenty-eight Satanists all stood around the alter; their sacrifice, a beautiful girl, now stripped of her faith, and clothing, was about to die. However, P.U.D.A. agents Yui Miyafuji and Nina Holland were about to crash their little tea party.

But that's another story.

**Modern Day: 6:45 am**

"SLAY IT!"

Cryptex's "Slay It" screamed out from my Ipod alarm clock, "BUR BUR BUR BUR BUR BUM BUM BUM!"

I, Yoto Yokodera, imploded into my sheets, forming into an intergalactic human-on-woollen-sheets hybrid abomination and then simultaneously splitting in twine. I exploded out of bed and falcon punched the Ipod Alarm clock and killed three vampires before touching the sacred carpet.

I oversaw the Japanese earth hour; I only had 15 minutes before the morning track meet started.

_Oh. My. God._

I opened my curtains; the sun spoke out to me, "A big ole Sunshiny hello to you, young Yoto"

"Fuck you sun!" and I howled before successfully barrel rolling into the shower, my clothes ripping apart before I hit the ground.

_Two scoops of raisins? Bitch, I don't even like raisins._

And then it hit me, _you can't spell 'Raisin' without 'sin'._

El Gaspo!

:O 

I couldn't wait to eat my favorite Oriemo promoted cereal, 'Kirino's Bitch Flakes'. Yum! Tastes like haughty cockiness!


	2. Chapter 99: A fresh morning

**Chapter 99: A fresh morning.**

**8:50 am**

Later at school, I bolted around the school running rack with other prepubescent…humans. That meant I was running with wolf boy, skinny sailor, boogie baddie, Tsukukushi – the Queen of steel and smartarse bitchy bitch no-no girl – Mai Maimaki. I almost felt like yelling "_JUMANJI!_" and watching them all fall back into their own dimension in the board game. Man that sounds fun.

"Ju-!"

A tiny voice peeped from outside the track, "Go Yokodera!"

It was my rain in the desert, the sweet sunflower of the plains of purgatory; the… I don't know what I'm talking about anymore! Azusa Azuki. She was chanting my name like a cheerleader, a maiden singing a beautiful song to the valiant knight that I was, or I would be if it wasn't for my secret addiction to LCD.

I pranced towards the finish line with new found strength, I will conquer my fears, I will see a light at the end of the tunnel, and when it turns into a train, I will smash the glass and fall out the back of it. My legs are filled with the awesome power. I strike the gravel and bend my tenderloins, my feet blast out like a rocket shooting off. Take this! My love, my pain and all of my anger!

SHINNNING LEEEEEEGS!

I hit the finish line, it must be raining. Nope. I just felt the rain that is the rain of the sweat that is the sweat that is, glory.

"Whoo, I'm beat" I say as I approach Azuki.

"Hey dog, catch!" she says and shoots the towel into my face, the pain is astounding, my skin ripples like waves in the ocean-

Okay, it didn't hurt that much.

"Lookie! Lookie! I made honey lemon! Wanna try some?" she offers me the snack from her 'The Goodies' Tin Lunchbox. I feverishly pick up the little toothpick she offers me.

"It's so sweet not even a dog would lick it!" she adds

_Wait; was that a good thing or a bad thing?_

I stab a lemon slice and bring it towards my mouth – the honey lemon slice died instantly – his family cried as they watched their father be devoured by the giant.

I taste it.

Oh.

My.

Budda.

Great Calligua's horse! This honey lemon treat is both a mouth-watering delight _and_ a nutritious snack! This is truly the taste of the sweet ambrosia kept hidden by the immortal Greek gods from the tiny mortals on this barren plain we call Plataea. Never before have I – Oh, the aftertaste just hit me, now the roof of my mouth feels like sandpaper… L

"Mmmm, it's sweet" I say to her with my best tone of faux enthusiasm, she pulls her usual cute smile.

_What the right expression for 'HHHHHHHGGGGGGGGNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN'?_

"Hey. Cheerleader Girl" a disgustingly fake poser- Its Mai, Mai Maimakami, I don't like her.

She strode towards us. So here we are, just minding our own beeswax, when she has to rustle our jimmies.

"Ah y-yes" Azuki asks shyly.

"Stop interfering with our track meeting, you're a nuisance" says Mai

"Oh…s-sorry" Azuki lets out a faint peep

A noticed a small tear form in Azuki's eye, she couldn't handle even the chance of her facing Mai's torment, and I, as her loyal man-dog (long story – don't ask – not actually a dog) I must protect her!

"No, no Azuki! You're not a nuisance. The Vice president only says the opposite of what she truly means, she suffers from the most common sickness of our age…Tsundereism!"

"Oh?" Azuki replies

"…what?" Mai replies in a state of category-five confusion.

"Yes! What she's actually trying to say is-" I pull into a cutesy, girly pose and speak in my best falsetto, "I hope we can be best friends, Azuki-chan! Call me, Deruderu –heart!"

"Oh, that's a relief. It's a pleasure to meet you, Deruderu-san" says Azuki, shaking Mai's hand.

Maybe she should be my dog seeing as she ate that right up! ...Wait… oh god! No! No! ...Maybe _no one_ should be _anyone's d_og. Mai glues her hands to her waist and lowers her eyelids.

"Jeez, well can you and your boyfriend share affection elsewhere then"

Oh no.

"B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-ti ts-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b -b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-BOYFRIEND?" she gasps

I'm about to speak but Azuki runs away quicker than the Flash and Road Runner combined, tearing a hole into space and getting trapped within the dark, oxygen less boundaries of space like General Zod in Superman.

…I hate when she does this. Mai smirks; I would kill her if it were legal.

"JUMANJI!" I yell

Nothing happened.

"FUCK!"


	3. Chapter III: Boring Classes

**Chapter III: Boring Classes**

**9:00am**

Some may _study, _but ... I slay it! BUR BUR BUR BUR BUR BUM BUM BUM!

Anyway, for our English class (or is it Japanese Class?) we had to write a short story. So naturally my story involved Mexican wrestlers on motorbikes fighting talking sandwiches voiced by Eddie Murphy. That would make an awesome movie.


	4. Chapter Neo: The Bell Peppers Initiative

**Chapter Neo: The Bell Peppers Initiative **

**11:30am**

So I failed my story writing exam, something about my story having nothing to do with the life of Mozart. That is stupid; I totally wrote down that the music playing in the background would be classical music, like !

So for my business class we had to create an effective marketing campaign for a fruit or vegetable. I chose to advertise Bell Peppers.

"Mister Yokodera, you're up" said Teacher-sensei

_Oh. My. Whatever god is the Shinto religion worships._

I wasn't listening. But, soldiering on, I stand up like a golden statue. I brought my presentation up on Micropoint Powersoft and cleared my throat…

"Ahem. My name is Yoto Yokodera and this is my idea for a marketing campaign on Bell Peppers"

I pointed to the next slide. This is where it really gets fun.

"Just take a look at these_ mother fucking_ bell peppers."

I look at the audience; their jaws are down in shock from the pure awesomeness that is bell peppers.

"Shit!" I continue, "Check out all the colours they come in, red, green, even yellow._ Mother fucking _yellow! These aren't your dads peppers. These are SUPER PEPPERS! These peppers are so spicy if you give them to your girlfriend, your dick will be set on fire next time she's sucking it!"

_Next slide. A photo shopped picture of the taco bell dog savagely ripped apart by a bell pepper with lion teeth._

"Bell peppers! Not your average sucker. Suck on my bell _peepers _today!"

I turn to the teacher and smiled with confidence...


	5. Chapter 5: A Chapter too far

**_Chapter 5: Why does Tsukiko think everything Yokodera does is lecherous? I mean, c'mon, is that like, a reflex or something, because she clearly likes him. Is that her way of being a repressive tsundere?...I'm at a computer lab in my college right now, there's this one industrial light flickering on and off. Its very distracting. I'm also close to an escalator. The whiter noise is surprisingly soothing…hmm? Oh yeah, we have escalators at my university. Suck that, Brown! Haha! I've never been to your campus; I'm in Australia…Actually, now that I think about it. This uni, thats in the middle of a busy shopping district, used to be a shopping mall, I could guess that they just left them here along with the elevators…I would if this would count as the longest chapter title on , maybe the world?...nah, probably not. Anyway. Back to Yokodera! …Seriously, what Tsukiko's deal? Yokodera isn't that perverted. He just likes to play around…sometimes he's a pervert. That's true._**

**3:40:03:29 pm**

Ugh, what a non-so-fabulous day. I'm late for track and field club, I still taste musty lemons on the roof of my mouth, it's raining, I got expelled from school and arrested for public drunkenness and_ I got soy sauce on my school shirt!_

I scaled the creaky stairs leading up to my room. It was built by my father, the wood was taken from the bodies of dryads and the nails are melted parts of a Skynet terminator. Or so the legend goes.

My door, I thought was closed had been opened slightly.

_Great Odins chest hair!_ _Someone has invaded my territory!_

I crawled over to the door like a ninja and peered inside. The girl from the Ring had a pair of scissors in her hands and was jabbing at the mutilated corpse of a woman at her feet.

Okay maybe I should clarify.

My friend Tsukiko – who could pass off as the girl from the Ring (if she wore a rag dress instead of her school uniform) – had somehow broken into my house and was now cutting up my Danish Dakamura, named Barbra (best not to ask about that either). On the floor was a pile of wrecked CD's with titles like 'Attack on Titan' and 'Bleach'. In another pile was what looked like her own collection of newly purchased movies and TV shows like 'Naruto', 'School Days', 'Zero no Tsukaima' and 'Henneko' (with an oddly familiar set of faces on the cover).

Tsukiko ripped Barbra's entrails and painted the walls in her soft, meaty, feathers.

I gasped. The intruder heard me. I watched with my own eyes the sickening display of one girl shoving herself into the lifeless body of another and wearing her skin life a costume. The Barbra/Tsukiko Combo rose like an abomination of Lovecraftian proportions and flopped onto my bed; pretending they were one.

My grin wrapped around my face, the tips swirled. I had now become death, destroyer of worlds.

"Oh my, Barbra, what are you doing out of the closet?" I speak openly.

Tsukiko probably knows that I know she's there, but judging by her feet clearly sticking out of the pillow, maybe not. So never mind.

"I hope no one else is in here!" I say

I move closer to Tsukiko.

"It would be a shame if…anyone...was inside…my pillow!"

I grab Tsukiko's tiny feet and subject her to hell. Tickling her feet, the pain she feels is unimaginable, she cries out (with laughter) in torturous sorrow.

"Stop!" she cries

Suddenly, I lose control, she's snapped her legs back, and shoots them like a cannon into my face…

BAM!

The sky darkens.

My life flashes the plane that I was supposed to be on crashes and burns to ashes.  
That's when I wake up, alarm clock's ringin', there's birds singin'  
It's spring and Hailie's outside swinging.

I walk right up to Kim and kiss her  
Tell her I miss her.

Hailie just smiles and winks at her little sister.

"Are you okay?" A femininely monotone voice calls out.

"Huh?" I reply

I was lying on the floor. A Barbraless Tsukiko helped me up.

I screamed.

Remember that scene from 'The Shining' where the river of blood comes out from the elevator. My face looked like the inside of that elevator.

"Here" she said, she handed me a bunch of tissues.

"S'anks" I replied through the tissues.

"I can't believe what lecherous person you are." Tsukiko claimed

"Z'kuze me! You ja broke mah face!"

"How dare you take advantage of me!" she says, "You creep, touching a girl without her permission!"

I pulled the tissues away.

"Are you telling me… that I'm a creep… Because I _tickled _you… when I found out, that you broke into my house, broke into my room, rummaged through my belongings, destroyed anything you didn't like, replaced them with what you wanted me to look at and then tried to hide in my dakamura as if you wanted me to cuddle you or something?"

She fell silent.

"Oh yeah, and how am I a pervert for tickling you? If anything you must have the fetish to meet the complex!"

"You're still a lech-"

"You're a fucking idiot"

Silence, nothing but the rain. Somewhere, a samurai washes away his earthly sins.

"My sister said she'd pick me up at five"

Her sister is Tsukushi, the Queen of Steel/President of the Track and Field Club. Just an F.Y.I.

"How did you get in without breaking any window?"

"I stole your house key and made a copy"

We both fell silent. The rain outside grew heavier. Must be a filthy samurai, am I right?

I sighed, "Do you wanna play Hyperdiamensional Neptunia?"

"Sure" she replied

I open up the PS3 case, the CD was sliced four times over. I turn to her and yell, "For real, really?"

"I didn't like the look of those Four Godesses"

"Dude! I paid for that! You owe me!"

"I bought you new things, things that are more suitable for everyone!"

I picked up the new pile.

"Whats this? School Days? Henneko? NARUTO? You bought me garbage"

"I like them"

"You. Sick. Bastard."

We have this thing, we wreck each other's clothes or stuff, and we replace it with horrible substitutes. Like when I stole all of her clothing and replaced them with a giant corn costume. I never thought she'd turn up to school in that. But I was wrong. The whole thing is…really…really spiteful. It was the main reason why I needed to buy a safe. She's charming…in a sadistic kind of fashion.

I stepped up towards her, whom was now sitting on my bed.

"Buy me things!" I command in a silly voice

"No way, buy yourself things!" she replies, in the best joking voice should could produce under her monotones curse.

"But I'm poor!"

"You wanna buy video games and weed"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"I wanna buy sports equipment!"

"You don't even like sports!"

"But I'm a guy!"

"No you're not"

"awww"

I fell silent and moped in a corner beneath some hair bangs.

"Oh hey, Yoto, I'm sorry I-"

"BUY ME THINGS!"

"You're a baby, you're always telling me to buy you baby things like diapers and pacifiers"

"No I don't"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!"

"oh"

"okay"

…

The rain is easing up.

"Wanna watch Henneko?" she says

"…fine"

And so we watch a strangely familiar anime for the rest of the day until her sister came over. Seeing as it was that late in the afternoon, we bought some KFC at ate at my place.

…

We then had a massive three way. It's was pretty hot, you should've seen it.

**_Fin_**


	6. The Boredom of Yokodera (Extras)

_**The Boredom of Yokodera (Extras)**_

**Authors Notes:**

**Behind the scenes: **The plot follows Yokodera on a normal day, except his mind is on crack. Now his normal, boring life becomes an explosive neon joyride only Haruhi Suzumiya could dream about.

The story is vaguely based off episode 10 from the Anime Henneko. One of my main goals was to write a weird, cute and stupid story that people, who haven't seen the show, could understand it without looking at the original cannon. Hopefully I did well.

Also, hey look everyone! Not much grammatical errors!

**Genres:**

Crack Fic/Curtain Fic/WAFF

_**What's on Mr Ugg's Radio?**_

**The stuff I'm listening to while making this story:**

My Chemical Romance – The End (Album)

Will. – #WillPower (Album)

Vampire Weekend – Modern Vampires (Album)

Under the Covers: Seductive sounds for a late, late night – Jazz…it's a jazz album, trust me, it's more innocent than you think.

Hans Zimmer – Various

Two steps to hell – Various

Slay It (yeah it's a real song) – Cryptex

How Low Liquefied – Cryptex

Dragula – Rob Zombie

Mysterious Girl – Peter Andre

Midnight City – M83

I Swear – All 4 One

Wop – J. Dash Feat Flo Rida

Relevation High school – Isuzu (High school of the dead OP).


End file.
